Lots of big matches in tonight’s PPV, foremost of them being the grudge match of reigning champion, CM Punk taking on newly surging superstar, Ryback. This match was just what you’d expect in a fight between the behemoth, Ryback and the craftier, more technically minded Punk.
What you wouldn’t expect, however, was the shock ending of this fight that’s going to have fans buzzing for a long time.
Feed. Me. Punk!
Just before the match Punk hugs his friend/pseudo-manager Heyman as though it were the last time he’d ever see him. Then he and Ryback are locked inside the cage. Wasting no time, Ryback storms over to him like an enraged rhino.
Punk goes for a chop but Ryback is unfazed, slamming Punk down hard on the mat. Ryback tosses Punk over the ropes and into the cage. When he follows the Second City Champion outside Punk escapes under the ring. When Ryback tries to follow him he blasts him with a fire extinguisher. He forces the big man into the cage wall and starts hammering him with hard knees.
Punk pulls a chair and is about to smash the challenger with it until Ryback throws a heavy boot that sends the chair ricocheting back, blamming Punk right in the face. He picks up the champ and press slams him back into the ring. Punk catches him as he’s returning to the ring and drops his neck over the ropes.
The monster gets back in the ring and Punk goes for three consecutive axe handle chops off the top rope. The first two land but still fail to take the titan down. On the third Ryback catches him in midair and slams him into the turnbuckle. Punk gets off a hard kick to the jaw that floors Ryback. He takes the steel chair and works over the massive man. He attempts an ill-fated headlock and Ryback reverses, lifting Punk in the air and bringing him down hard.
The two go back and forth until Punk goes up top for the big elbow. He drives it hard into Ryback’s sternum then goes to fetch a kendo stick for more pain. This only seems to anger the big man and he grabs the stick and tosses it away. After a big spinebuster by Ryback he gets Punk in the brutal meat hook clothesline. He signals to the crowd that it’s time to ‘Finish it!’
Ryback picks him up for his ‘Shell Shocked’ finisher, only to find referee Brad Maddox suddenly standing in his way. You might remember Maddox as the guy who screwed Punk a few RAW’s ago by counting him out in a match against Cena, even though his foot was on the ropes. Apparently Punk and Heyman must’ve gotten to him because now it looks like he’s working on their side.
Maddox drops down and gives the Silverback a stiff forearm shot to “the boys”, causing the tower of a man to crumble. Punk capitalizes on the cheap shot and rolls Ryback up for a pin. One suspiciously fast 3-count later the winner, and still your WWE Champion, is CM Punk.
The outraged Ryback explodes after this, going after both men as they try their hardest to escape from the still locked cage. He mauls the referee then sets his bloodthirsty eyes on Punk. Punk finally escapes then climbs to the top of the cage to get away, only to look down and realize his Kong-sized opponent is hot on his heels. Ryback catches Punk at the top of the cage and administers a much-deserved ‘Shell Shock’ing.
When Irish eyes are smiling…
The next major bout from this week’s show was Sheamus’ title defense against the monstrous Big Show for the World Heavyweight Title. These two guys are both monsters and it definitely shows here. They both exchange shots that would collapse lesser men for the better part of this match. Sheamus gets off some big kicks and Show responds with hard shots to the ribs and thundering chops to the chest.
Backstage Dolph Ziggler watches on a monitor, no doubt waiting for the perfect opportunity to swoop in and cash in his MitB briefcase.
They continue to bash one another, both inside the ring and out, until Show pulls Sheamus into a big bear hug. The Celtic Warrior powers out of it and goes for a slam but Show proves a few hamburgers too hefty for that maneuver. After a big splash from the corner Show sets up the chokeslam. Sheamus reverses and pulls the giant into a DDT. He goes for a pin but Show kicks out so hard he sends Sheamus out of the ring.
Sheamus gets up the strength to pull the massive Show into his ‘White Noise’ signature move. He follows with a Brogue kick but Show dodges, getting off a big WMD instead. Show’s big punch has typically meant lights out for whoever is on the receiving end but Sheamus does the impossible and kicks out.
Show loads up another big punch but in a weird mirror of earlier events Sheamus reverses Show’s special for his own Brogue kick. He goes for another Brogue but show re-reverses and gets off another WMD, then pulls Sheamus in for a pin. And win, making Big Show the new World Heavyweight Champion.
Midnight in the Garden of Vipers and Creaps, or A Mexican Aristocrat in King Randy’s Court
Randy Orton starts out his match with Alberto Del Rio by throwing a hard knee to his gut. He tosses Del Rio over the ropes and takes the fight outside, slamming Del Rio into the announce table. Back in the ring Del Rio mounts an offense, going right for Orton’s left arm, tenderizing it up for his arm bar finisher.
After a little more back and forth he puts Orton in the punishing finisher. The Viper manages to slither his way over to the ropes before submitting. He pulls Del Rio into a backbreaker which he converts into a 2-count.
Continuing his ongoing mockery of Orton’s mannerisms, Del Rio tries to put the Viper in his own RKO finisher, but Orton escapes, going for one of his own. Del Rio reverses this into his Backstabber. Del Rio locks in the Cross Arm Breaker but Orton manages to wriggle out again. The Mexican Aristocrat attempts his enziguri kick but Orton dodges, pulling the RKO out of nowhere for the win.
Awesome Trouble in Miz’s Paradise
The Jamaifrican wonder, Kofi Kingston defends his newly acquired IC title against the Miz after the Awesome One invoked his rematch clause. The Miz works over Kingston’s injured left knee for most of this match, removing Kofi’s knee pad to maximize the punishment. This looks like a pretty even match throughout, but when Kofi pulls out the ‘Trouble in Paradise’ Miz is down for the count.
Tag Team Champions (Or is that Champion, singular) Kane and/or Daniel Bryan defend their title(s) against the Rhodes Scholars. Kane and Bryan seem to be functioning a little better as a tag team tonight, and they bring a terrific offense to the “intellectual saviours” of the masses, Damien Sandow and Cody Rhodes. Well, almost. When Daniel Bryan goes for a pinfall the self-proclaimed “Tag Team Champion” Kane breaks it up.
This match ends rather bizarrely. When the two men got into a heated argument in the ring, the referee begins a 5-second count to get the illegal man, Kane to step back out. Kane doesn’t heed the count and the ref is forced to disqualify him, bringing an odd, rather abrupt ending to a great tag matchup. Rhodes Scholars win, but Team Hell No retains the belt. That can’t possibly sit too well with Rhodes and Sandow.
Hell in a Cell 2012 results courtesy WWE.com and BleacherReport.com. Other results from Hell in a Cell, courtesy WWE.com:
U.S. Champion Antonio Cesaro vs.
Winner: Antonio Cesaro
Rey Mysterio & Sin Cara vs.
The PrimeTime Players
Winners: Rey Mysterio & Sin Cara
Triple Threat Divas Championship Match
Divas Champion Eve vs.
Kaitlyn and Layla
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