Kimberly Dawn Neumann of www.match.com wrote an article regarding how to handle scary dating moments. She examined five scary situations that most people dating find awkward or difficult to address. Here is my version of how to handle these dating situations.
#1: Breaking the ice
My best advice is to stay in the moment, using the environment and situation to your advantage. If you’re at a restaurant/bar and someone is served their dish, you can always comment on how tasty their dish looks and ask what they ordered. You can usually squeeze a few follow up lines like: Is that your favorite dish? Is this the first time you have ordered that? If you are watching a football or basketball game you can always ask what team the person is rooting for or how long they’ve been a sports fan (during commercials only).
If you discover what team they are rooting for and an interception occurs or gold-tending occurs you can playfully ask what happened with the play and make sure they tune in for the replay of humiliation. Another way to break the ice: sincerely complement the other person on their attire as you pass by, but do this with confidence, and you will capture that person’s attention. If you are listening to live music you can comment about how great the band performed one of your favorite songs.
If you are a woman wanting to get his attention, you can do all of the above while smiling invitingly and laughing at his jokes. (Do not place a plastic smile on your face all night long, it shows you are trying too hard and are not genuine.) A complement regarding a man’s attire builds their confidence and gives them the green light to have a conversation with you. A sly, lingering smile can also go a long way to invite him to, in essence, come get you. Never walk over to a man who has established interest in you, let him know you’re interested and signal for him to walk over to you. (It’s establishing from the start that he needs to earn your space, you are not running to fulfill his interests.)
Read non-verbal responses and body language. If you approach her and she barely looks at you, responds with a one word answer, and turns away from you – not interested. Don’t try harder, tell her to have a great night and walk away. Do not visually stalk her all night long like an obsessed crazy person.
Trust me, if someone is interested in you they will carry on a conversation with you.
Remember, this person does not have the ability to justify your existence as a human being. You were fine before you encountered them and you will be fine if they aren’t around so don’t build anxiety over something so simple. Remember good first impressions are key so avoid liquid courage.
#2: Asking for a phone number
This action is best executed when you have established a few common interests. If the person hasn’t revealed they are involved in a relationship and you feel good vibes and great conversation has taken place; then go for it! By all means don’t sound corny and formerly ask: Can I call you sometime? DO NOT DO THIS.
If you are shy then you can always hand someone your business card and tell them that “we should get together sometime.” You can always suggest a place you want to take her sometime soon that has great Mexican food (or whatever food, live music, etc. she expressed interest in) and ask for her number to call her to make arrangements in the future. You can tell her/him that you think they are really cool and suggest you two keep in touch, then ask or give your number to that person to call you whenever they want to get together.
If the answer is no or they are reluctant to give the number, you can joke it off and ask them if they are with the secret service? This allows the other person to explain. Whatever their reason, depart as a class act stating you saw something great in them but all the good ones are taken – goodnight. Confidence is key in this situation.
#3: The first kiss
The first kiss does not have to occur on the first date. What is essential, if you are attracted to the other person, is to establish a physical desire for them. This can be translated in a passionate embrace or a hug with a small kiss on the cheek. Remember, a kiss says: I like and desire you.
In order to determine when a kiss is appropriate you must read the energy of the other person. Is she cold and aloof when interacting with you, does she touch you on the arm a lot when you’re together, or is she comfortable holding hands with you? If you are saying good night after walking her to her car and she doesn’t mind cuddling with you standing by her car – then go for the kiss. An unconventional approach that works: if you are next to a woman or talking in a car, leaning in closer and closer when you talk until your lips touch. It’s an innocent but assuming technique, absent of aggression, and it’s a nice first kiss experience.
#4: Asking for exclusivity
Exclusivity should happen at the right time. Exclusivity after a few dates is way too soon, and exclusivity after one or two month is way too soon. After an appropriate amount of dates, time, and frequent interaction occurs-consistently-then the exclusivity conversation is appropriate.
Dating means: I’m interested in you, enjoy spending time with you, and want to know more about you.
Exclusivity means: I’m making a commitment to you based on me knowing who you are (i.e. observing actions over time) and not desiring anyone else to occupy the place you have in my life. Basically you are saying: With you I’m good and have no desire to see what else might be out there for me. She or he is a keeper and you don’t want her/him to date anyone else.
Remember player rules 101: If you don’t claim him/her, they are free to date and are still up for grabs.
#5: Saying “I love you”
I love you is a phrase that should be used sparingly. It is not to be uttered because you are in the infatuation or newness stage of interacting with another person. These three words are best said when someone understands you, flaws and all, and still holds a special place for you in their heart. Intoxicated utterances of love do not count. I love you needs to be a sober decision made with your mind and heart.
Love is an action word, not to be used to gain access to activities previously off limits nor is it designed to be used to create some type of fake bond to make someone feel they are more connected to another person when this is furthest from the truth.
These dating tips and advice that will change your situation. Apply these dating tips with confidence.