More thoughts, recaps, and analysis of TLC’s “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo.”
(For part one of this article, please click here.)
They wind up playing “Guess Whose Breath,” which is exactly what you think it is. One person is blindfolded, and everyone else breathes in their face, and they try and guess who’s breath they’re smelling.
It’s the kind of game that makes “Wheel of Fortune” look like bomb defusal.
Honey Boo Boo goes first, and gets Pumpkin’s breath correct.
Honey Boo Boo: Smells like…booty boo.
Pumpkin gets the next turn, and Sugar Bear breathes on her, which causes her to recoil.
Pumpkin: Ew, God! Sugar Bear! Holy %^#@! Eww, what the Hell did you eat?
Jessica/Chubbs makes a rather shocking announcment.
Chubbs: I’ll be honest with you, I don’t brush my teeth but on special occasions. Or when my breath’s stankin’.
The game comes screeching to a halt when Anna accidentally pees on the couch. Jessica is named the winner, although “winner” is really a relative term here.
Mama: Everybody ain’t got good smelling breath all the time. I mean, you know…I don’t know why it stink. That’s just the way it is.
Later on, the family decides to do a lemonade stand to raise money for Honey Boo Boo’s pageants.
Mama: The lemonade that I make has got a good five pounds of sugar, and like, two gallons of lemon juice. I don’t like stuff that’s, you know, tastes nasty. I like a lot of sugar and stuff.
The girls don’t do a very good job of drawing in customers, though. Honey Boo Boo jumps in, and they wind up making twenty-five dollars.
Later on, Mama makes “Sketti” for the family, which is spaghetti with a sauce made from butter and ketchup.
Yes, butter. And ketchup.
When I saw the word “Sketti” in the title of this show, I just assumed it was a child’s nickname for spaghetti and meat balls, or something along those lines. Now I know, it’s just a word for something with very little nutritional content whatsoever.
Honey Boo Boo: I don’t think table manners are important. We don’t even eat at the table!
And so the show ends, with the family eating their “Sketti” out of various bowls and leftover buckets.
I should have known when we got a touching moment between Alana and her dad, the show would quickly spiral down. I’ll admit, something about the “Sketti” disgusted me so badly I turned away. I could watch the horrific season opener of “Sons of Anarchy” without flinching, but seeing ketchup and butter melted together and shoveled down…that gave me pause.
Rating: Two out of ten on a normal human scale, six out of ten on a “Honey Boo Boo Sassified” scale.
— Reid Kerr is sure if they ever do a “Guess Your Breath” TV game show, Jeff Foxworthy will host. Follow Reid on Twitter or subscribe to him on Facebook and yell at him.