Marriage and financial abuse. Is that really a form of abuse? Yes it is. It is one that I never knew existed until I overheard someone recently talking about it. I mean my question was, how can there be anything called financial abuse? And, if it is real…what is it? So I set out on a search to find the answer and what I found was amazing.
So…what exactly is financial abuse, (for those who don’t know).
Well, for one there are many women who suffer from this type of abuse. And, yes far more women suffer from it…..than men.
I also found out that there are many types of financial abuse and it can take on many forms. In almost every case the husband uses the finances in the marriage in an effort to control his wife. This control of the finances makes her dependent upon him…thereby making him the controller of all the finances and in turn the controller of her! There are many women who cannot get out of an abusive marriage because of financial abuse. And, when there is financial abuse present in a marriage there is generally other forms of abuse as well. It doesn’t usually just stop at financial abuse.
Another form of financial abuse is when a husband denies his wife money, even for the bear necessities. As strange as it may sound, some women are forced to beg their husbands for money to buy food, clothes for the children, items for the household, etc. The abuser – their husbands controls all the money that comes into the household. And, if you have a stingy, cheap, “tightwad………you’ve got a serious problem!
This type of situation is very common and goes on everyday inside many marriages.
Financial abuse can also mean withholding money entirely from the wife or controlling every dime that comes into the household. The wife is not allowed to have her own money nor her own bank accounts…..even if she has a job and contributes financially to the household. Again, this goes on everyday.
When financial abuse is present in a marriage the wife is generally not allowed to see any bills, bank statements or any other information dealing with the finances of the household. She is kept in the dark about any and everything dealing with the finances. The theory is this: if she’s kept the dark…she no where NEAR the park……. of knowing what is going on! She is completely blind to anything going on financially. Thereby making it easier for her to be controlled by the husband.
Women, I must warn you however. Be very cautious…not flattered……. by a man who always insists on paying for everything and be extra cautious of a man asking you to quit your job. He may say things like, “I want to be the one who takes care of you”. (Red flags at a road block that any blind man could see, should be flashing with statements like that). Because although he MAY be that knight and shinning armor with no hidden motives, chances are he is more likely that nightmare in armor who is using these tactics in effort to gain control.
Like I said, there are many types of abuse and financial abuse is only one of them.
Abuse in whatever form it comes is wrong. No one deserves to be abused…in any way, shape or form. No one.
So,what can you do if you are a victim of financial abuse? You must find people you can trust and confide in and create a confidential support system for yourself. You must then gain financial independence, which includes opening up your own bank accounts……..secretly if you have too…and trust me…..you MAY have too.
Remember, dealing with any form of abuse is difficult and it may take time and a plan to get away from it.
But….you can do it….if you have to!