“Why Am I Still Single” is a question so many people ask themselves but are they truly being honest with the answers?
How really open are people to their friend’s constructive advice? Do they ignore it and repeat the same scenarios without making the slightest change? Listening to friends and family can be a good thing because they love you & want the best for you. They are not saying things for their benefit and are sincerely trying to save you from some of the relationship drama they see you allowing into your life.
You may be sabotaging your chance of happiness without realizing it. It is surprising how many men & women do not feel they are deserving of a loving relationship.
People need to realize that they are in charge of their attitude and how they come across to others. Understanding that they are responsible for their own personal happiness and who they attract & allow into their lives is half the battle. If they are always ending up with someone who doesn’t want to commit, they definitely need look at the pattern they have created. (Not ALL people dating in Vancouver are commitment phobic although it is stated quite often!)
If you are constantly attracting people towards you that are non committal& evasive, it may actually be “you” that has the fear of a relationship actually working out long term!
10 First Impressions & Things to Be Aware Of:
- Being too available (coming across as needy or desperate.)
- Putting them on a pedestal or idolizing them.
- Pessimistic or negative comments.
- Lack of self esteem (coming across that they are not worthy of a good relationship)
- Insecure opening lines: “I haven’t been laid in a year” “You are the first date I have had in 2 years!” “Why Me?” “This city is the worst for dating!”
- Bringing up money or material possessions immediately.
- Appearing stuck up or unapproachable.
- How they treat others in their surroundings.
- Body language (smiling, flirtatious, confident, cocky, arrogant, friendly, eye contact.)
- Clothing statements! (Your appearance emulates your personality)
Know what priorities are important in a prospective partner. If the checklist is a mile long with looks and finances in the top two, you may be overlooking other amazing attributes that are the foundation of a relationship. This shallow thinking will keep you on a roller coaster ride of short lived encounters. Are the words “potential, kind, driven, compassionate or thoughtful” on that list? Many people make the mistake of thinking that powerful sexual chemistry is the glue to a great partnership, but after the euphoria wears off they are all back on the dating sites or out in the bars looking for a new conquest to fulfill those heated desires. It’s an addiction for many men & women and hard to let go of because of this.
Things to Pay Attention to On a Date:
- Were they on time?
- Was the conversation shared equally?
- How as their attitude ~ were they pleasant, shy or cocky?
- Were they too needy? (Sharing every insecurity, secret or health problem?)
- Were there too many expectations too quickly?
- Were there negative discussions about an EX?
- Were they respectful at the end of the date?
- Did they have sexual expectations?
- Was there eye contact and great body language during the date?
- Did they make sure you got home OK or walk you to your car?
The hardest part of being single is dating, and even worse, when you felt the first date went well but never hear from them again.
Second guessing yourself over & over again will only keep insecurities in the fore front. Many people are not open to hearing the honest reasons why a second date didn’t transpire and would rather not know or don’t think they were the problem. (It could be that they were insecure of your confidence!) It can be a very sad merry go round that some single people do not know how to get off. If you are bothered by it and truly want to find answers as to why you seem to be fishing in the same uninhabited pond, ask a friend who sincerely loves you what they think the problem could be? They may see something you don’t. Chatting with an acquaintance or a stranger can be another eye opener for some people, as it may feel less judgmental receiving gentle observations from them than from a best friend or parent.
- Try not to go in too fast sexually
- Remove any expectations for the first month
- Be open and lose the archaic rule book! (Women do ask men out now too.)
- Have a checklist that is reasonable and not all about looks and money!
- Dress for your date and the occasion; take pride in your looks.
- Make sure you find out as much about them as they know about you.
- Go slow, reveal yourself in small amounts. (They don’t need to know you had a breast enhancement or bicep implants on the 1st date!)
- Be confident or at least try to be if you are not, it can help you learn along the way.
- Don’t play “the Princess or Big Shot” (even if you did have dinner with Donald Trump the night before.)
- Do not bring up any Ex’s or stories that go with them (No one cares!)
- Intimidation tactics do not belong on a date, maybe a boardroom but not in relationships.
- Sarcasm is not cute and only funny with the boys and a case of beer.
- Do not settle with someone due to age, or a biological clock!
Be selective but not unreasonable, it is important to remember than most people are far from perfect. Have fun, smile and most of all enjoy meeting new people who may bring something to your life you never thought possible, everyone enters your life for a reason ~ you don’t have to marry them all.
Always be kind to people you come in contact with as we don’t always see why our paths crossed until much later. I personally do not believe in coincidences!
Susan McCord @ http://www.youtube.com/twobeavers