When you’ve ended a long-term relationship, re-entering the dating scene can feel like losing your virginity all over again. But like Anastasia Steele in Fifty Shades of Grey, you can enjoy the “firsts” of lovemaking– only this time with wisdom and life experience under your belt (or clothes).
It’s okay to be nervous– many of us have walked in the same moccasins. As someone who survived the transition of monogamy to singledom, I can say there are unexpected surprises along the ride. Who knew cunnilingus can be a trip to paradise if your partner has “skills?” New sexual partners mean a whole new world of pleasure waiting to be discovered.
And don’t forget those butterflies in your belly when falling in love. Even though it might seem scary to dive into the deep end with finding new sexual partners, it does have its benefits.
To ease your way into the murky waters of the dating pool, here are some important tips you should know before you’re in too deep with a new partner (no pun intended).
- Relax. The first time with someone won’t always be a magical experience worthy of a fantasy-fiction novel. Loosen up your inhibitions and let the fun begin. And no, you shouldn’t worry about how you look naked!
- Become familiar with your body. Know how to pleasure yourself and what turns you on. That way, you can teach a new partner what buttons to press when he or she is trying to please you. Oh, and LOVE the skin you’re in– confidence is sexy!
- Explore new things. Don’t let fear keep you from trying something that seems intimidating. Take a trip to a sex shop or research online. Be curious and open to try something different with your partner. Notice the Freudian slip?
- Be spontaneous. You’ve probably experienced this phenomenon: the best sex happens when it’s unexpected (and often in strange places). Be a little bit wild. Although, you might want to pass on the 10th floor balcony rail. Remember to pack protection– just in case.
- Get to know your partner. That means avoid casual relationships with people you don’t know (even condoms can’t protect against all STDs). It also helps to ask questions about what your potential partner prefers in the bedroom to see if you’re compatible.
- Lower your expectations. That doesn’t mean “settle” for a partner you’re not attracted to, but realize that it won’t be “fireworks” every time. It’s better to underestimate something and be pleasantly surprised than to build up to it and be disappointed.
- Try pleasing your partner. Men instinctively make an effort to please their partner, but it’s a treat to give in return– if you’re a woman. Seeing your partner enjoy what you do can really make you feel good, too.
- Watch movies or read books to get in the mood. If it’s been a while since your last coitus, you might need a little “refresher” on getting the hormones flowing. Although, those butterflies are pretty good at inducing the right triggers.
- Live in the moment– and enjoy it! This is the time to indulge in your senses (touch, taste, sight, sounds, smells), not a time to run down your mental checklist of errands or deadlines. Leave the stress, worries and insecurities out of the sex session.
- Don’t be afraid to cut ties with an incompatible partner. Perhaps you made this mistake before and lived with someone who couldn’t “do it” for you in bed. Well, if you stuck it out because of kids (or some other reason), now’s your chance to find someone who is a better match with desires and drives. Sexual compatibility is vital to a healthy relationship, so learn from your past when to draw the line.
If you’re lucky, you’ll find out something about your body (or sex) that you never knew before. All life’s experiences have their silver linings– or shades of gray.
If you enjoyed this article and would like to read more, click on “subscribe” next to the author’s name.