Getting into a new relationship is one of the more exciting journeys on which you’ll embark. If you’re with someone where the chemistry soars off the chart, then congratulations! You’ve cleared the first hurdle. The afterthought we easily neglect is relationships take an incredible amount of consistency. It’s perfectly normal to put your best foot forward and come out the gates blazing; doing everything you can to keep them interested. However we all fall into a lull once we catch the person we want. Sometimes we let our inner pessimist prosper. More often than not, we’re unaware of our sabotage. The little things we do become so ingrained that we don’t even realize we’ve messed up a potentially great thing until that person has already moved on. Are you a saboteur? Here’s some things to ask yourself and see how they may have squandered the progress of your relationships:
1) Do you talk too much, too soon or too often? Although communication is the cornerstone of any successful relationship, look up the word “brevity”. In a new relationship, every day should be something new. You should be enjoying learning one another’s intricacies. The details of your life story should be something that’s discussed over time. Plus, there’s certain things that are just T.M.I until you guys are exclusive. Which takes me to the next thing…
2) Do you want to be the only one or just an option? True story, there are tons of people in relationships with single people. Despite you being good for each other and having great chemistry, that won’t always segueway into being boyfriend and girlfriend. Stating your intentions are part of being honest. However, don’t be pressed to lock down someone who clearly doesn’t want that.
3) Do you have too many rules? For every situation, the only people who can set the expectations are the people going through it. I’ve heard some women say that they never ask a guy out nor do they call him first after the date. Look, chivalry and courting is all good. But best believe, while you’re waiting to call him up and say you had a good time, another woman is packing an overnight bag to go “chill” at his house. And guys, it’s no need to front or try to be hard. If you like a woman, there’s nothing wrong with sending good morning/have a nice day/I miss you texts occassionally. Just make sure that sentiment is mutual first.
4) How important is sex? I hate the 90 day rule! It is by far the most stupid dating rule that exists. Sex changes things and it sometimes changes people. However, it only magnifies what’s already there. If you’re attracted to one another independent of intimacy, chances are sex will deepen that attraction. If you’re just holding out for the moment of carnal weakness or a drunken night at a happy hour, the likelihood that genuine interest will magically appear is slim. But your stance on sex should be clear and defined. Don’t treat sex like the carrot on a stick.
Everybody frets about the proverbial first 90 days of a relationship. But reality doesn’t tend to set in until you’ve had about 6 months with a person. Sometimes intuition is an accurate guide to whether you stay or go. Though many successful relationships don’t event get a chance to bloom because the person (or people) involved prefers to listen to their lizard brain. Pace yourself! If it’s a relationship that means something, don’t cast unwarranted negativity on it out of your own fear.