As less people globally are choosing matrimony as an option to express their everlasting love and commitment to their professed “soul-mate”, the million dollar question that most married couples both young and not so young often ask is, “why do 75 percent of married men elect to cheat on their wives”? And why are a growing number of wives cheating on their husbands as well? Research on the nature of infidelity gives us some explanation as to why and how infidelity can creep into a married couple’s life and take root.
Whether you’re fabulously wealthy or just “getting by” with paying your bills every month, cheating is not always about having the money to entice a person to sleep with you, it’s about lust and fulfilling fantasies.
Without a doubt, the reasons that are associated with why one would consider cheating on their “significant other” is a complicated and difficult issue for most adults to discuss. However, the majority of marriage counselors would agree that for a married couple to survive such a traumatic experience, there most be an open and mutual understanding / discussion between husband and wife on just how the pain of infidelity can leave life-long emotional scars.
Amazingly, statistics indicate that seventy-five percent of all married men worldwide have at least once in their marriage been unfaithful to their wives. Of the men who cheat, statistics also state that two-thirds of their wives are completely unaware of the affairs that their husbands are having.
Surprisingly, men aren’t alone when it comes to infidelity. Wives are also cheating on their husbands more than ever. In an effort to understand a “cheating heart”, let’s take a look at some of the common causes of cheating, and let’s see how they can be avoided:
LACK OF SEXUAL INTIMACY WITHIN THE MARRIAGE
Per marriage counselors, if you and your spouse have stopped being intimate with each other, or if you have drastically decreased the frequency of your intimacy, then your personal relationship is going to suffer.
Sex is an integral part of a marriage. It is a way to share something with each other that is personal and loving, and the connection that you share during sex creates a deeper connection between the two of you that extends to all areas of your life.
Although it can be difficult for many couples to find the time in their busy schedules, juggling work and family and household chores, it is important to make intimacy a priority, even if that means scheduling time for it. If you are too tired at the end of the day to have sex, get up for an early lovemaking session, or slip away for some private time together on a Saturday afternoon.
Maintain excitement between the two of you by integrating foreplay into your everyday lives. Call your husband at work, and tell him how eager you are to be with him tonight. Leave a naughty note in your wife’s car before she leaves for work. Wear lingerie sometimes, rather than just flopping into bed in your sweatpants and t-shirt. Light candles burn incense. Hold hands. Keep the romance alive! When you have been with someone for many years, sometimes you forget that it is the little things that make the biggest difference.
LACK OF EMOTIONAL INTIMACY WITHIN THE MARRIAGE
Married couples develop a silent form of communication between one another, but you can’t eliminate verbal communication from a relationship altogether. Couples who co-exist as if they were roommates are at risk for losing the friendship side of their relationship.
Talk to your spouse about your day; make it a dinner-time ritual. After dinner, don’t park in front of the television. Find the joy of just sitting together; sharing your thoughts and innermost feelings. Unless you have consistent communication, you will grow further apart, and turn into strangers. You will long for an emotionally intimate relationship, and that is why many married people stray from their mate.
Sexual addiction is one of the worst afflictions that a married person can possess. Someone with a sexual addiction craves different sexual partners and lots of sex, and it can be as hard an addiction to conquer as drinking or drug use. Sexual addiction can be hard to understand and very hard to forgive because when someone cheats on you, it feels like the ultimate betrayal.
If you or your spouse has a sexual addiction, then you should seek professional help. If you have a partner with sexual addiction who refuses treatment, then you should leave the relationship to avoid the inevitable devastation you would encounter with a sexual addict for a spouse.
MID-LIFE CRISIS AFFAIRS
The severity of a mid-life crisis varies from person to person. Many struggle to come to grips with their own mortality, and they want to make sure that they get the most out of their life experience. Some men buy a fast sports car, some women rush out for plastic surgery, and some men and women stray from their relationships, often looking for a younger sexual partner to add some spice to their life.
If you notice that your partner is struggling to come to terms with aging, then you have to be a comfort to them.
Remind them how much you love them, and be willing to be adventurous together. Instead of dreading aging, embrace and enjoy it together. You might consider traveling together, or getting involved in a new hobby, such as bicycling. If you or your spouse is having a severely hard time with growing older, then seek professional counseling that will help with that phobia.
Major shifts in lifestyle can add stress to a marriage. It could be a new job that requires very long hours and has a very stressful set of responsibilities. It could be moving to a new home in a new city or town. It could be the birth of a child, or the death of a family member, or it could be an unforeseen financial disaster.
When our lives drastically change, we have to make adjustments in our marriages to accommodate the changes. Communicate with your spouse; share your concerns with each other. Try to change and deal with change together so that your relationship is actually strengthened by stresses in the long run. If you start leading entirely separate lives, then you are more likely to enter into an affair.
IN THE END…
The world that we live in is complicated and fast paced. There are distractions everywhere. However, a commitment of marriage is suppose to be a commitment made before two loving individuals that is meant to last a life time.
If it’s clear that the relationship is falling apart, then perhaps it’s time for some open and honest talk, if not, then rest assure someone else will be there for your significant other to lend comfort and even pleasure. In the end if both husband and wife agree that the love that bonds a marriage together is forever lost and life together as a married couple is impossible, then wouldn’t it be better for both parties to part amicably without having the weight of cheating on their shoulders and guilt of infidelity in their hearts? Or are cheaters heartless? Inquiring minds want to know. Sound off.
Food for thought: A wise woman once said, “It’s better to have loved and lost than to have stayed with an idiot”.
As always the New Orleans Examiner is interested in what you think. Are more couples cheating in the 21st century? Have “open marriages” become more acceptable? What say you? Inquiring minds want to know.
Until next time Louisianans, Good day, God Bless and Good Fishing.