Alan Roger Currie’s honest and up front approach to dating and relationships may be regarded by some as fresh. The truth is his approach is based on the old adage honesty is the best policy. His no pretense philosophy has found a following here and abroad, and his once primarily male audience has expanded to include females. This can be seen particularly with his weekly talk radio podcast where females dominate the audience.
Alan Roger Currie is the author of three paperbacks, including the internationally bestselling paperback, Mode One: Let the Women Know What You’re REALLY Thinking as well as Upfront and Straightforward and Oooooh . . . Say it Again: Mastering the Fine Art of Verbal Seduction and Aural Sex. His also has a recent ebook release The Possibility of Sex: How Naïve and Lustful Men are Manipulated by Women Regularly. In addition, Currie has interviewed a number of professional dating coaches, sex experts, and relationship therapists as host of two popular talk radio podcast programs, Upfront & Straightforward with Alan Roger Currie and The Erotic Conversationalist.
Currie was born and raised in Gary, Indiana and graduated from Indiana University. He is a featured speaker at many conferences, seminars and workshops all over the United States and in United Kingdom. Currie has had his advice quoted in Essence magazine and his talk radio show was mentioned in Black Enterprise magazine. He has made guest appearances on day time televisions including Oprah and The Steve Harvey Show. He likes to divide his time between Northwest Indiana and Southern California.
I recently had the opportunity to discuss with him his strikingly bold approach to relationships.
Norwood: Alan, thank you for taking the time to speak with me. I feel like I should call you professor. Your views are so enlightening.
Alan: Okay, I’ll take it. Thank you. Appreciate it, Norwood.
Norwood: Your book Mode One should be required reading for every young man. ItI recently had the opportunity to discuss with this top relationship author his strikingly bold approach to relationships. His Amazon author’s page best summarizes his bio and career: Author Alan Roger Currie is the author of three paperbacks, including the internationally bestselling paperback, Mode One: Let the Women Know What You’re REALLY Thinking as well as Upfront and Straightforward and Oooooh . . . Say it Again: Mastering the Fine Art of Verbal Seduction and Aural Sex. His recent ebook release The Possibility of Sex: How Naïve and Lustful Men are Manipulated by Women Regularly. In addition, Currie has interviewed a number of professional dating coaches, sex experts, and relationship therapists as host of two popular talk radio podcast programs, Upfront & Straightforward with Alan Roger Currie and The Erotic Conversationalist. provides very advice in helping the young man break out of his shell in maneuvering the dating scene. Breaking it down, you espouse a theory of just being open and honest in relationships. Mode One I would say cuts to the chase, but it in fact eliminate the chase. So tell us “Mode One”.
Alan: That’s the popular of my three paperbacks, or I should say my most well-known, although, in 2012, “Say It Again” my third paperback has actually been slightly a better seller. It came about when I was in college. You mentioned that I graduated from Indiana…
Norwood: You have four books out?
Alan: No, three paperbacks. And, yes, it started when I was in college. I would hear from female friends that they would always ask me, “Alan, why do men do so much lying?” And I said, “What do you mean?” “Well, they’ll act like they really care for you and really into you, but then when you get into a, you know, have sex with them for two weeks, three weeks, four weeks, all the sudden they just dump you and you never hear from them again.” And I would tell them, I said, “Well, honestly, that’s because they didn’t real want a long-term relationship to begin with. They just wanted casual sex.” And a lot of women would say, “Well, why don’t they just say that? That might have been what we wanted.” So at first I was, you know, criticize the women saying this and called them whiners and complainers. But then I became slowly more empathetic towards them and so I asked some of my male friends, I said, “Why do you guys lie when you want casual sex? Why do you mislead women into thinking that she wants long term, monogamous, and emotional (Inaudible),” and the gentlemen’s response was, “Oh, man, with women you got to lie to them. You got to, you know, you got to kind of BS them when you first meet them. You can’t be honest with women. You can’t let women what you’re really thinking.” And I hear that – not only did I hear then, but what’s interesting to this day I hear that from different men. Some of my male critics, they’ll say, “Man, you can’t be honest with women when you first meet them. You got to – you can’t let them know what you’re really thinking.” That’s why the subtitle of my book is specifically Let the Women Know What You’re Really Thinking, because so many men would always say, “You can’t let women know what you’re really thinking.” And so anyway I got challenged by a few guys. They said, “Okay, the next party we have we want to see you go up to women and just straight up tell them that all you want from them is casual sex. I guarantee you either going to get slapped, you going to get cursed out.” And so I did. I went up to a number of women (inaudible) and in subsequent social events and I would tell them, I would say, “Hey,” you know, “what you doing the rest of the weekend?” “Oh, I don’t know why you ask?” I say, “Hey, I want to hook up with you and have just – F like rabbits.” And they would say, “Oh, my God. I don’t believe you said that.” As a matter of fact that was one of my options for the original title was going to called “Oh, My God, I don’t believe You Said That,” because so many women – that would usually be their first response, “Oh, my God. I don’t believe you said that.”
Norwood: Let me interrupt you right there. We’re raised to be gentlemen, that seems to go against certain notions about romance and what women expect when you approach them and when you come on.
Alan: Alan: I totally agree. And that’s what I get into in the book and even more so in my book, “Say It Again” is that if there’s two words that I use a lot when I do workshops and conferences is the word “social programming.” Social programming and I say how both men and women, and particularly women, from the time they’re young girls they’re fed a lot of social programming. And now social programming can be good. One of the reasons why we don’t have a lot of traffic jams and traffic accidents is because we’ve been socially programmed to respond to a red light, a yellow light, a green light. But there’s some social programming that I believe in has proven to be faulty, and particularly in dating and relationships. The biggest social programming barrier is on the female side. They’re brought up to present themselves as innocent, wholesome, prudish, or semi-prudish, good girls.
Norwood: They don’t want to be thought of as easy.
Alan: Exactly, but here’s the problem; their hormones do not cooperate with their social programming. So what happens on the female side then the experience is what I refer to is a lot of internal conflicts, which simply means that they, you know, we seen the cartoons where you have like the angle voice on one shoulder and the devil voice on the other shoulder.
Alan: Well, figuratively speaking, that’s kind of what happens with a lot of women. They’ll only have one voice – I call it their social programming voice, saying, “Linda, now you know you should be good girl. Remember, be a good girl,” but then they had another voice saying, “God, this guy is really getting you aroused. I think you should go for it.” And so what I would experience — it was so funny, it was almost this predictable pattern — a lot of women would initially, and the key word is initially, would have a very adverse reaction to my bold, upfront, straight forward approach. But then either hours later, days later, weeks later, or months later those same women would end up having sex with me. And I was kind of freaking out like, wow, you know. And my brother, my older brother, he noticed it. As a matter of fact, he was the first one to encourage me to turn my Mode One principles into a book. And at least half the reason why was because he witnessed a lot of those types of interactions. Where he would see a woman have a very average reaction to my approach, but then sometimes as quickly as an hour or two later, man, that woman would be either making out or full blown having sex. And he would say, “Dude, I don’t understand that. Why would this woman go off on you and then turn around and have sex with you?”
Norwood: It seems to me it’s like you put the ball in their court. You let them think about it and then they come back. It would appear to eliminate all courtship mind games, and the guessing. And that’s what I like about it.
Alan: Exactly, you hit it right on the head, Norwood. And that’s the thing I love about “Mode One.” Regardless, of whether a woman reciprocates my romantic or sexual desires and interests or she is rejecting my romantic or sexual desires and interests, you eliminate so much manipulative head games. Because here’s the thing, as far as the difference between men and women, and this is actually what I respect about women. Most women are brought up to believe that their sexual companionship is worth something, It has value. Men aren’t necessarily brought up to believe that. We’re brought up to instinctively spread our seed whenever it tickles our fancy.
Alan: So one game that women play, regardless of whether they’re interested when a man approaches, their general manner of thinking is” “What is that guy going to offer me? He is going to offer me a free lunch? Is he going to offer me a free dinner? Is he going to offer me a free concert?” Or some other type of financial favor or materialistic gift. They’re always expecting a guy attracted to them to offer something. When you’re Mode One, the way I am, it’s basically like you’re saying to them, “I’m not offering you jack. I want what I want and either you going to reciprocate or reject me, but I’m not going to offer you an incentive or reward for your companionship.” And that frustrates them, and it frustrates a lot of them. And what’s interesting about women, even the men who they want to reject, they still feel this way. And this is why I always tell men that the beauty of Mode One is that even if you don’t end up intriguing or arousing the women who are interested in you, you’ll prevent those women who are not interested you from wasting your time because if you noticed, and your listeners can notice this on themselves, most women don’t like to reject men in a straight forward specific manner. There are a few who do, and those are the woman that you should actually appreciate — the ones that do — but you’ll find most women out there, particularly what I call manipulative type women, they do not like to reject men immediately or straight forwardly because they want to see it you’re going to offer them something. They want to wait until, say, after you’ve treated them three dinner to reject you, after you treated them to two or three lunches before they reject you. And see I cut through that with Mode One.
Norwood: Okay. And “Mode One” tell us about “Up Front and Straight Forward” because that just seems like a continuation of “Mode One.”
Alan: It is. I taught a class on an Indian University campus of in Gary. I was actually invited, because of the popularity of my books. I taught a class called Dating for 21st Century Singles. And my second book was actually used as the basis for that class along with “Mode One.” It goes into further detail about the manipulative head games that both men and women play. If you ask a member of each gender, they’ll point the finger at the opposite gender. Women will say, “Oh, it’s men who play the games,” and men will say, “No, it’s women who play the games.” And the reality is we both play game.
Norwood: It’s like chest game, each one calculating the other one’s next move.
Alan: Yes. Now the issues are a little different though between the sexes is why they play games. For example, men, most of our games center around sex. Our game for most men who play games, their game is to have – to get a woman, to have casual sex with them, and to quickly as possible and while spending as little money as possible without coming right out and saying that they want casual sex. That’s the game that a lot of men play. “I want casual sex from you but I don’t want to admit that I want casual sex with you. And I want it as quickly and cheaply as possible.” Our games are kind of predictable because women know that most if not all of our games center around sex.
Alan: Women almost do just the opposite. They don’t really play games for sex. A few might if they say there’s a guy that they really want as a boyfriend or a husband and they might try to trick them into getting them pregnant or something, but for the most part – you heard me talking about just a few minutes ago about how women who are not interested in you will still want attention from you, financial favors from you. That’s the type of thing that women do when they play games. What they try to do is get as much from you without giving up sex. Whether it be something as simple as flattering attention on a regular, semi-regular basis, platonic social companionship, financial and non-financial favors, and my biggest criticism is what I call the empathetic listening ear. I can’t tell you, Norwood, how many of my male clients who I’ve had to persuade to develop more of a backbone about not allowing themselves to becoming a woman’s empathetic listening ear. A quick example of that would be a woman who says – I’ll use you for example, you have this female friend that say you have degree of attraction towards, but you’ve allowed yourself to tolerate just being her platonic friend. And she will call you to talk about other guys. “Norwood, I just slept with this guy again. I can’t believe I did it. He had all this kinky sex with me last night.” And she’s honestly expecting you to listen to that. And a lot of guys do. I’ve done it. I admit it. I’ve done it before in my younger years. And to me, all the things that you can be used for by a woman, I almost feel like that’s the worst. I mean, here you are listening to woman tell you sometimes in great detail that she had sex with another guy.
Norwood: So the fellow becomes a surrogate girlfriend.
Alan: Yeah, you hit it – exactly. You’ve become her male girlfriend. And in 2012, I’ve had at least five or six clients in this situation. They were being friends with women that they were attracted to and they had allowed themselves to become that woman’s empathetic listening ear. I said, “Stop that immediately. Just stop it.” And a lot of them were resistant to it. They were like, “Well, you know, we’ve been friends for like, you know, two years,” I’m like, “No, no, no, no. Stop that. Do not ever listen to a woman talk about her frustrations with another man.” But anyway, in my second book just talks about the different games, and also it talks about how – I do a quick chapter on old school dating verses new school dating. I’ve talked to my parents and their friends and other relatives who were in my parent’s generation. To give it to you real quick — In the old days before the prevalence of casual sex and even premarital sex, in general, what you would have say you, Norwood, you would identify maybe eight women that you might be interested in with the ultimate objective of choosing one to go steady with. So you would go out on one date with all eight women. Get to know a little bit about them. They get to know something about you. Then out of those eight you might choose five or six to go out on a second date with. Then you get to know a little bit more about them. They get to know more about you. Then out of those five or six you might choose three or four to go out on a third date with. And then out of those three or four you might choose two to go out on a fourth date with. And then finally you choose the one woman who you felt like you had the best chemistry with, the most common interest with, and that would be the woman you would go steady with. And that worked for a lot of people in my parent’s generation. But what through a monkey wrench in that concept was starting with the mid to late ‘60s and early ‘70s when they had what was known as the sexual revolution.
Norwood: And readily available birth control.
Alan: Birth control? Yeah, I was just getting ready to say with birth control and just looser sexual morals. Now, you have people starting to have a lot of premarital sex. And women, on their end, were taught you should wait at least three dates before having sex with a guy. The Sexual Revolution changed that traditional concept of dating because, obviously, if you say you are going out with eight women and you’re having sex with all eight, that’s going to complicate things. And that was the whole thing that changed dating, I would say, to this date. And then, finally, we get to my third paperback.
Norwood: Yeah, that one is about the power of language.
Alan: Yes, yes, exactly. The interesting thing about that book, Norwood, is that my first two books were prompted by my male readers, male supporters, but my third book, actually, I would say I had just as many if not more women that actually encouraged me to write that book because I had a lot of female friends that knew about a lot of my seduction stories, and my pension for, as I call it talking dirty. And they say, “You should write book, Alan, about just how you know how to use words to get women sexually aroused.” So, initially, it was just going to be kind of like a number of different stories of mine, but then I decided to have it more self-help where it’s similar to my first two books. So it’s kind of split. I have a part one which basically, purely like a self-help type portion of the book, and then part two is six specific verbal seduction stories from my life where, of course, a few details have been changed and a few names have been changed, and therefore details, but, generally, they’re based on real life experiences I’ve had. And the first thing I go into is what seduction is, because I feel like a lot of men use that term kind of loosely. And this goes back to when I was telling you about the internal conflict. I basically say, “If you meet a woman and she’s already immediately within seconds or minutes after talking to you, she’s already attracted to you. She’s already willing to have sex with you. And you simply throw out the idea of you two having sex, and she says, “Okay.” That’s not seduction. A lot of men will loosely categorize that as seduction, but I say no. That is just inviting a woman to have sex with you and she agrees to it. That’s not seduction. And on the flipside, if a woman’s totally not interesting in you and she is in no way shape or form willing to have sex with you, then there’s no seduction technique that is going to help her change her mind. Where seduction really comes into place is when you’re conversing with a woman who has that internal conflict that I mentioned earlier; the woman who is kind of going back and forth in her mind between, “Yes, I want you. No, I don’t. Yes, I want you. No, I don’t.” Those are the women that you got to really convince them that their social programming voice is the wrong voice to listen to, and that it would be worth their while to listen more to their raw instinct voice and the voice of their hormones. And so I go into detail about that. I go into detail doing simple things like getting a digital recorder and listening to your own voice and see how it sounds. Because what I find is that women respond more to a voice that’s a combination of calm, relaxed, and smooth, like soothing. If you have a voice that’s just really irritating or abrasive or – you’re going to have a harder time seducing women.
Norwood: You teach how voice and diction can be powerful tools of seduction.
Alan: Norwood, I’m sure you can relate, being in radio doing interviews someone like you would have an upper hand over some other guys. That’s one of the things that I tell guys, you got to practice having that kind of smooth, soothing voice, and learning not to be afraid of using certain provocative language. It causes a lot of controversy because I use a lot of X-rated language with women in my first conversation with them. And I’ve had some women who have criticized that and said it was disrespectful. But my argument is I’m always approaching women with this assumption that she’s just as kinky and open minded as I am. And if she’s not, I feel like it’s her duty to let me know that so I can make adjustments or tone it down. But I’m not going to ever approach a woman and assume that she’s a conservative prude, because I’ve just had too many experiences that say otherwise. I’ve gotten a lot of great feedback from both men and women. I read some of my sales stats and between January and June of this year “Say It Again” actually overtook “Mode One” as my bestselling paperback.
Norwood: I really can appreciate that open and honest approach and I know it really works. I was well into my twenties before I realized there was a way to suspense with the pseudo romance. I found discovered when you just ask for it. Bam it was done. Once I learned that I developed a whole new outlook, and that’s what you articulate in your book. Again I think every young man needs to check out your book. I think it’ll prevent a lot of complications and broken hearts. There is no place for deception in human relations. Alan, thanks for taking the time to discuss your books. Where can people find you the internet?
Alan: They can find me at www.modeone.net. Modeone.net is my main site. And my books are available on both barnesandnoble.com as well as Amazon.com.
Norwood: Thank you, Alan.
Alan: Thank you, Norwood.